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Romancing Your Husband
By Lisa Gonzales

Romance your husband to improve your relationship for the long term to keep it fresh and vibrant for longevity as well as making you both happier and more fulfilled. When you romance your husband you give him permission to return the favor for an improvement you will both cherish and maintain the happy couple you were when you first married.

What do you think of when you hear the term "romance"? Is it a bit old fashioned or out of date? Well the truth remains that romance is an essential part of your married life and should only be ignored at your own peril. At your peril simply means divorce, estrangement, unhappiness of either yourself or your husband or both. Romance will not cure all that ails a relationship but it can go a long way towards bringing a man and a woman together and softening the complexities of modern day life. If that sounds pollyannaish then so be it. On the other hand consider what romance really means. Walking together holding hands is one bit of romance that is not really overly outlandish but yet it does more than cause a husband and wife to touch each other. Or is it? Why do many women go out of their way to hold hands in the mall, on a walk or simply when they are together? Because it is a simple, real method of connecting with another person.

Connection is a funny word, or is it? Connecting with a person might mean getting a phone call and that means you made a connection over the phone lines. Calling your mother and speaking to her may mean making a connection. Is that an important or not an important method of human existence? Are we not meant to connect on some level? The answer must surely be yes!

So how do you romance your husband? The answer is incredibly easy yet we find it so remarkably difficult. Romance equals connections as it also means communicating, verbally and non verbally. So if it is so easy why is it so many couples end up in divorce or being non communicative. As a divorce lawyer for many years I was always so amazed at why couples found themselves so disassociated all of a sudden. What happened to this couple that at one time was so in love. Was that memory a lie or was today a lie? What occurred that caused this lack of ability to communicate and connect? Not to oversimplify but they simply forgot how to connect in some ways due to a lack of desire and then a loss of will to do so.

You see romance takes a lot of work and energy and anyone who has been in a relationship will admit that romancing their mate was and is full of time and attention and after we get married some simply get tired, lazy and unwilling to make the same commitment to their spouse. When you first met you would shower, put on cologne or perfume, make sure you looked amazing and that was only a part of the commitment to your future spouse. You made dinner plans or cooked dinner, bought a special wine or other drink, planned the menu, went to a movie or perhaps played one on the vcr and then there was the love making. Whew, that was only one night. Rinse, repeat over and over. No wonder you got tired.

Romance is all about planning, working, creating, shopping, giving, helping, thinking and that is only the beginning. How about saving, scheming, expanding, contracting, exercising and then there is more. Romance is a lot of work and that is only the beginning. Then there are kids, house payments, grandparents, parties for the kids and the list goes on. You get tired don't you? So what if you lay back for a while and then a while becomes a long time and then before you know it, your kids are graduating from high school and there are more plans and parties, schemes and watch out, here comes retirement.

So how do you romance your husband? Simple, first decide that you want to and have the will to romance him. Is he worth it or has the marriage died? Remember though that if it has died for a lack of romance do you not have an obligation to try and revive it? Of course he is worth it. He will look even more worth it after you look at him through the eyes of a woman who is in love again. Has the love died or just the romance? There is only one way to find out! Begin slowly, steadily and methodically and not with the intent that he respond with equal doses of romance. Nothing will kill this animal faster than "why don't you respond when you see me holding your hand"? Be clear that you are doing this for the both of you and expecting an immediate response is rather naive. Give him time to rediscover the romance, not a scolding because he did not reciprocate. Give him an opportunity to rediscover you and the relationship you once had.

Simple means success. Spend an hour or two coming up with your plan and the best way to do this is sit down with a pen and paper in a quiet room. Sit or lay down and consider the first days, weeks and months of your lives together. What did he do that made you feel special, what did you do that made him feel special. The second request will require you to guess what made him feel special but you likely know what it was simply by his response or by how it made you feel, simply doing it. We have discussed the holding hands and that likely goes on the list but how about the following:
1. an unexpected kiss for no reason.
2. a compliment out of nowhere such as you look really beautiful with your hair cut that way or you look great in that pair of pants.
3. a gift for no particular reason.
4. a courtesy such as putting his jacket on you or dropping you off in front of the restaurant or mall while he drives about and looks for a parking spot.
5. a suggestion that you both go to your parents house for a visit.
6. a trip out of nowhere with all the details planned.
7. a picnic in the park, forest, spot you both had a special day, evening, you get the idea!
8. Coming home and the
a. dished being done,
b. drinks being made.
c. house being cleaned.

Simple is successful as it is unexpected to you but he has been planning it for an hour, day or longer. Successful as it is thoughtful, pleasant and shows you are on his mind. Get the idea yet? Romance can be free, costly or outrageously expensive but the issue it not about money. It is about thoughtfulness and that can be displayed in so many ways. Romance is time spent not money spent. Romance is about making your partner feel special and that feeling lasts for years and years, sometimes lifetimes. Do the rich, educated and well endowed among us have the key to romance? Of course not and as a matter of fact few of us can maintain romance for a lifetime as the statistics show. When standing in front of a judge arguing a finer point of the law in a divorce case I often wondered why this client has had two or three or on occasion four marriages? The answer may lay in that he or she loved being married, but the romance had gone out of the marriage. Go figure!

Lisa Gonzales is co-owner of, and her retail store Flirty Lingerie located in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She specializes in retail sales of sexy lingerie. She writes about romance as well as lingerie for a variety of clients.

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