VALENTINE'S DAY & ROMANCE - Articles and Advice
How to Tell Your Husband You Need More Romance in Your Marriage - From a Man's Point of View For some of the women reading this, you are about embark on a no holds bared, fact finding mission into your husband's mind. Let's get started with a few myths exposed and facts revealed. Fact . . . All those 'share-your-agony / accomplish nothing' websites where wives-in-misery commiserate by giving essentially worthless advice about what did not work for them will not help you encourage your husband to be more romantic. Myth . . . Your husband does not love you because he is not romantic. This false statement is mostly found in the 'share-your-agony' websites. Fact . . . Your husband is not more romantic for one or a combination of four main reasons:
How to Tell Your Husband You Need More Romance in Your Marriage - From a Man's Point of View
For some of the women reading this, you are about embark on a no holds bared, fact finding mission into your husband's mind. Let's get started with a few myths exposed and facts revealed.
Fact . . . All those 'share-your-agony / accomplish nothing' websites where wives-in-misery commiserate by giving essentially worthless advice about what did not work for them will not help you encourage your husband to be more romantic.
Myth . . . Your husband does not love you because he is not romantic. This false statement is mostly found in the 'share-your-agony' websites.
Fact . . . Your husband is not more romantic for one or a combination of four main reasons:
Step One - The Goal - Without condemning, complaining or criticizing, tell your husband why it is important to you that your marriage have a greater element of romance. Explain that romance is like a key that opens a woman's heart and fulfills her need for emotional intimacy. Describe what romance looks, feels, sounds and smells like. Give your husband a target, a challenge. Men want to pursue and enjoy reaching a goal.
Step Two - The Reward - Share with your husband why it is in his interest to step up the level of romance in the marriage. The truth is that while you are thinking of romance as emotional intimacy, your husband is thinking of sensual pleasure. One viewpoint is not better than the other, but they are two sides to the same coin. Tell him how romance increases the emotional connection that you feel and that leads to greater confidence in the relationship - in him. You want to change - increase the amount of romance - the marriage because it will better fulfill a need that you have (and should have fulfilled). It is no different for your husband. He will change the relationship - increase the amount of romance - when it fulfills a need that he may have.
Step Three - No plan, no action! Men are, by their very nature tool users. Some use computers, others use power saws, the rest something in between. While there is no scientific research to prove this, the reason men are tool users is because their brains leak. Ask your husband to bring home three things from the store and you are likely to get just about anything besides the items requested. Same goes for the romance, your husband is going to need a little assistance to keep him on track for the first few months. There are online marriage resources designed to give your husband romantic ideas, tips and suggestions. The full featured sites even provide a personalized reminder service so that he never forgets another anniversary, birthday or special occasion. If you do a Google or Bing search for "Romantic Outsourcing" you can see what is available to your husband.
The challenging part to making a long overdue improvement in your relationship is getting the subject out and in to the open. Below is a letter format that you can use to get your husband's attention. Feel free to copy, cut , edit and paste for your own personal use.
One last suggestion, having only a verbal conversation is likely not to lead to lasting change. Remember your husband's mind leaks. If he wasn't fully invested in the change you need, want or deserve - romance will be pushed down on the list of day to day demands. The reason men respond well to a written letter is because it allows them to return to their cave, a psychological safe place, and have time to digest the issue. Your husband will take action sooner than you think. And if he doesn't, take control of the situation, sign him up and enter the important anniversaries and dates.
I have found that most men tend to initially rely heavily on a 'Romantic Outsourcing' website to encourage them to take action and, yes, overcome any initial hesitation. Remember, many men are, in the beginning, not comfortable expressing romance. Because, in the end, it is a display of emotional openness. It takes time to get good at being romantic and recognizing subtle emotional cues. The good news is that many of the most 'romantically-resistant' men go on to be regular contributors of romantic ideas - helping other husbands like yours improve their marriage. For a sports analogy, 'Even the best athlete was, in the very beginning, way back when, a rookie player who walked out onto the field for the first time.'
About The Author and His Mission:
Realizing that not all men are comfortable recognizing the subtle emotions cues that are a part of being romantic, Ronald Anthony is the creator and one of the writers for the romance and marriage building website, TheFOMM.com. He is a firm believer that marriages can be significantly improved using the interactive capabilities of the internet. Simply by providing well timed ideas, tips, suggestions and personalized reminders, the level of romance, emotional intimacy and sensual passion can be raised to new heights.
Ron's mission for TheFOMM is best defined in the following two statements, 'You don't have to be romantic to romance your wife.' And, 'Copy what we send, personalize it for your wife and take all the credit.' These are repeated often because between the two, they are the truth, they work incredible well and they work every single time!
Now is the time to make a positive change in your relationship by setting up a FREE MEMBERSHIP for yourself or your husband. You have all the romance to gain and nothing to lose!
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